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Published: August 1, 2006
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EmailOur mission
visit the Washington D.C. area college my daughter will attend this fall for two days of orientation.
The players:
Leslie: student, possible future biologist or physical therapist. Her approach to orientation is easy going. She is looking forward to meeting people and finding out about cool things to do on the weekends.
Sharon: librarian, freelance writer, mother. Methodical and information orientated, I have assembled notebooks for both of us containing all the vital information I think we will need for the visit.
Monday, 5 a.m.–10 a.m.
I feel like I have forgotten something as we head out through the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel, but what? No time to worry, several hours later we hit a wall of Beltway traffic. This puts us behind schedule. Thankfully, we arrive in time to register with an equally stressed mass of people.
10 a.m. - 4 p.m.
I quickly scan the 64-page Orientation Program booklet. I discover that the goal of today’s activities is to separate students and families. Basically they want the kids to do things for themselves while they keep the parents occupied. Was it really 30 years ago I was a freshman? As we are herded from event to event I crane my neck and scan the crowd. It feels like I am trying to catch a glimpse of some famous rock star instead of my daughter. I end the day like a disappointed Barry Manilow fan, no luck for this “fanilow.”
4 p.m.-8 p.m.
I have a short break before the “Family Reception and Dinner.” The booklet tells me this is a “special evening just for parents.” My daughter will be staying in the dorms. It is the perfect moment to find my hotel and freshen up before dinner. Clutching my campus map, road atlas and Mapquest directions I drive away in the pouring rain. The rain intensifies but luck is with me now, I spot the hotel. Check-in is easy since the forgotten item was my overnight bag. But I am drenched from the torrential rains. This is America I tell myself, there will be a store on every corner. Unfortunately it is raining so hard I can’t see beyond the wipers and more roads have flooded. As I reach for the map, I flash back to the hotel and picture it, safe and dry on the bed.
8 p.m.-10 p.m.
Hopelessly lost in the Washington D.C. area I try my best to retrace my steps. At this point nothing looks familiar, the traffic is crawling and the rain has reached an intensity that would worry Noah. I take comfort in the fact that my daughter is safe, dry and enjoying a special “Freshman Fiesta”. Or is she? She doesn’t answer her cell phone. Now the worry kicks in. Where is she and what is she doing? More importantly, did she take the placement test or make an appointment with an advisor like we discussed during the ride up? The knot in my stomach grows. At a vaguely familiar intersection every instinct tells me to turn left. I turn right and regain the hotel. I have been on the road since 5 a.m. It has been a long day.
Tuesday, 8 a.m.-12 noon-
Back on campus in my new clothes we connect by cell phone then meet over the breakfast buffet. I flash back to Leslie’s first day of kindergarten even as I fight the cliché. Today, like then, she is filled with good news: test taken, advisor scheduled, new friends made and questions answered. She’s got it under control and throws me a smile as she leaves the building. Just like that I realize she is on her own from here. No tears, no parade or brass band but everything has changed and I relax.
12 noon – 4 p.m.
The Counselor Is In Kristen De Deyn Kirk 2006-09-01 Tidewater Parent Magazine, News and Information for Hampton Roads Families Tidewater, Parents, Families, Parenting, Health, May Events, Babies, Teens, Toddlers “In a nutshell, school counselors help students overcome barriers to learning.” Richard Wong, president of the American School Counselor Association.I have a newspaper and a new sense of well being. I read the entire Washington Post uninterrupted, content to hear the rain from my corner of the student union. After two hours of plugging in one time slot after another Leslie finishes registering for classes. The freshman gods have smiled on her and even though it was not her intention she has achieved schedule nirvana, no 8 a.m. classes and no classes on Fridays. As we head to the car she turns her attention to me. “What did you do while we were here?” she asks. “Nothing special,” I answer. Then, while my college student navigates the campus map we easily find the correct road and head home. Mission accomplished.
Guidance counselor stories of the "you've-got-to-be-kidding-me" variety abound:
Your Child and the |
Last spring, I was told about a local junior with considerable talent in art who had met with her counselor. She told him she planned to continue studying art and make it her major in college. He shot her down, saying, "you're too smart to major in art."
Just last week, I read about a successful writer who long ago wanted to apply to an Ivy League school, and her guidance counselor shot her down, too, saying "you're not smart enough." My experience with a guidance counselor was different -- but maybe just as sad.
It was in the mid-80s, and the counselor was a nice enough guy. He walked around the hallways most mornings and said hello to all of the high school students. In the fall, he took five or so of us honor students to a local college for a tour.
Then, one week before graduation, when I had already applied to five colleges, had been accepted at five colleges, had chosen the college I would attend and the major I would study, he called me into his office.
"So, where are you going to school?," he asked. "What are you majoring in?" I told him, and he said, "good, take care, stay out of trouble," and showed me the door. I didn't feel counseled: I felt dismissed.
That wasn't the case in a recent episode of Disney Channel's "Life with Derrick," a show about a blended family. The teenage daughter sat down with her guidance school counselor. She has talked with him ever since she started at the school, shortly after her mother remarried, and she had to move, meet new siblings and attended a new school.
The counselor listened as the teenager talked about her new brothers -- one of whom is a trouble-making instigator -- and what it's like to stand out -- not in a good way -- at the school.
Occasionally he asked her a question and said something like, "you might want to try talking to Derrick about a plan to share the bathroom space more equally." Gentle, thoughtful suggestions. And the teen and the guidance counselor were talking not about college, but life.
What is going on here?
Richard Wong, president of the American School Counselor Association (ASCA), says that's the way school counselors are supposed to work. Notice that Wong didn't say "guidance counselors." The name change reflects counselors' new responsibilities.
"The role of school counselors has changed so much over the last 20 years, and especially the last 10," he said from ASCA headquarters in Alexandria during a phone interview. "We use the title 'school counselor' to reflect all that the counselors do now. Guidance used to be linked to getting into college. It has broadened quite a bit. In a nutshell, school counselors help students overcome barriers to learning."
In 2003, the association published "The ASCA National Model: A Foundation for School Counseling Programs" to reflect these changes.
John and Rita Sommers-Flanagan, counselor educators at the University of Montana, summarized the three parts of the model in "This is Not Your Grandparents' School Counselor," an article on the association's web site, www.schoolcounselor.org:
- Academic development: School counselors help students obtain and maintain the attitudes, knowledge and skills needed for academic success in the present and for the future.
- Career development: School counselors help students understand their personal skills and talents in ways that allow them to acquire skills for exploring the world of work and for making informed career decisions.
- Personal/social development: School counselors engage students in activities to promote positive interpersonal knowledge, attitudes and skills. These assets are central to helping students make healthy decisions, set reasonable personal goals, cope with difficult and stressful situations and consider their personal safety inside and outside the school setting.
Who knew counselors were responsible for so much. This nearly 40-year-old mother of two school-agers certainly didn't.
I was also encouraged to learn that Virginia has a similar guide called the "Standards for School Counseling Programs in Virginia Public Schools." It breaks down what students should learn in all three areas -- academic development, career development and personal/social development -- in each level of school.
Overall, Wong is pleased with the recognition counselors receive in the state. The General Assembly reinstated a law several years ago that said all public schools must have counselors -- including elementary schools (what a change -- I don’t remember seeing a counselor until ninth grade).
In addition, the counselor-to-student ratio is better here than in many other states. The state mandates that the ratio must be 1:550 in elementary schools; 1:350 in middle school; and 1:300 in high school. Not perfect, notes Wong, and far from his association's recommended ratio of 1:250, but better than the national average of 1:490.
Yet, while all counselors must have a master's degree, 100 hours of in-school counseling experience and be reviewed annually by a school principal, some do fall short, says Wong, who has children ages 17, 14, and 12.
Just like in all professionals, a few bad seeds sprout up. Like maybe the "no-art major," "no-Ivy-League-for-you," and "glad-everything-worked-out-now-get-out" counselors I mentioned before. Or not.
Before jumping to conclusions when I told him about the bad experiences I heard about and had experienced myself, Wong said he'd have to talk with each counselor before saying they did something "wrong." He tells parents to do the same.
"You don’t know exactly what the counselor said and why," he says. "You have to go in and figure out for yourself. Try to listen carefully and not jump to conclusions. I once had a student who had very low grades and was not likely to be accepted into a four-year school right away. I recommend a two-year community college first. The mother came in thinking I had said her son was not college material and that wasn’t the case. I knew that most likely going to college would be a 'two-step' process for the student, that's all. He just had to bring his grades up."
Parents also need to open their minds to the other ways in which counselors can help students. "For parents, there is sometimes still a stigma about talking to a professional about a concern," Wong notes. "The students don’t feel it, but the parents do."
It may help parents if they get to know their children's school counselor before the need arises. Wong advises introducing yourself at the start of the year and learning a little about the counselor. Also, ask your children about classroom lessons given by the counselor (they do this on a regular basis now) and talk about what they've learned. Granted, this will be easier with some children than others, but any attempt to talk is at least a start.
Parents can also turn to the counselor first if they have a concern about a teacher, a coach or a bully. "We are partners in education for everyone," says Wong. "The parent might not know how to address something with a teacher, and we can put her at ease."
It’s a good idea, too, to let counselors know about any life changes -- such as an illness, a move, a deployment, a divorce or death of a loved one -- so that the counselors can keep their eyes open for any changes in the student's behavior or grades that might not be immediately obvious to the parents.
"We care about the students' total well-being," says Wong. "So do the teachers and principals, but they have too much more to do, especially now with more testing. We can focus just on the student."
